Recently learned that weight painting in Blender comes with a smoothing button. Up until now I thought this was all going to be a letters-on-rice kind of deal. I figured there was a function of the sort, but given my browsing on how to weight paint more smoothly, I have no idea why I didn't happen upon the answer sooner.

What's worse is that the smooth button in and of itself has been pretty much staring me in the face this entire time...

Either way, weight painting feels like a much more welcoming task now.